Changing the Way We Communicate.

Changing the Way We Communicate

Recently my Jr High School Class was working with an "I Messaging" exercise. One young man retorted " Why do we need to learn this stuff? This is what my parents do when they go to counseling!"
Here is my response.

"Communication is one of the most personal and loving gifts we can offer another person.
 It requires we stop, we pause and we CHOOSE what we are going to say.
 By remembering that we can choose how we communicate, and how we respond to another's communication, we are able to grow and continue to cultivate actions of loving kindness. 

Random Acts of Kindness no less and that is part of why we are here. 
Claim and love who you are. Stand in your confidence. Believe you are choosing your words and you are choosing to consciously live your life."

Cherish your gift of Mindfulness. It is uniquely your own. 

Let me carry this forward a bit for you readers who have not been studying "I-Messaging". 

When you decide that you are done with a conversation or you feel threatened with a conversation or you are not even contemplating the conversation at all but just defending yourself for the sheer point of removing yourself. You are expending energy that you could easily transform into empowerment. 

Example:

Sally:  "Hey Tom! Will you please meet me at the bus stop at 12:30 this morning? I will need a ride and it will be dark and late."

Tom "Sure Sally, I usually go to bed at 9 but I can stay up and come get you. I certainly do not want you standing there alone. That could be dangerous. No worries I will be there. "

Midnight rolls along and there is Sally in the snow waiting for Tom. 

"Where is he?... It is 12:15 already! I bet he fell asleep!"

Sally phones him and there is no answer.

"He might have turned his phone off and forgot. Maybe he is still on his way? He might be with his girlfriend. What am I going to do"

30 more minutes pass. It is now 12:45

"Where is he?...I should call a cab but no cabs come out to this part of town. I can not start walking it is too dangerous. I hate being ignored."

1:15 Tom pulls up.

Sally  "Where the "H" have you been!...I asked you to be here at 12:30! IT IS 1:45!.. You are always late Tom! You don't care about anything or one but yourself!"

Tom quietly opens the door for Sally, loads up her things in the trunk, gets in the car and drives her to her place, helps her unload ( still not saying a word) and drives away. 

When Sally returned home; 

Sally: "He was smart not to say anything." She says to her cat. "I am never going to speak to him again!" He is so selfish. I can not believe how he is always late and he did not even say he was sorry!"

This sounds pretty typical of an angry situation;  doesn't it?

I would be upset too. 

Sally is angry. Tom feels bad and the situation is going nowhere.

Let's get to the meat of the matter.

The next day Sally is sitting at her kitchen table.

She opens the newspaper to see  that Tom's mother and father were killed in a terrible plane crash.

Not only was Tom in shock, ( not speaking to her when he picked her up) He was late due to the phone calls and driving to the airport shortly after she had called him. 

Things happen in our lives which we have no control over. 

No one thinks exactly or responds or acts like we do.

Sometimes people do forget.

Some people are so lost. 

But NOT YOU !

Think about how much energy Sally spent in anger and how that anger covered Sally's heart of compassion. It was a worthy upset. I do agree. However if we are truly attempting to see from a higher perspective and live by the laws of love and kindness, this is part of our own daily practice. 

Compassionate and deliberate discernment pave the way to our heart. 

If Sally had remembered all the times Tom was there for her and how much their friendship means to her and why she trusted him to call him in the first place, she might have thought something like this;

"Wow, I wonder where Tom is? Maybe I should call the Police? This is not like Tom to leave me in a dangerous neighborhood late at night in the dark."

 The Blame Game

Or "Last Hit"

Did you ever play the game as a child called "Last Hit?" One person taps the person on the shoulder and says "last hit", then the other person hits back and then the ping pong of slapping starts and soon after someone is crying. 

The same thing happens when we do not take the time to see from within. When we only use our impulses for survival to communicate or to move about in the world.. we are playing "Last Hit."

Usually, someone does end up crying or emotionally hurt because they did not get to express themselves. They are misunderstood and they are caught in a battle of defending rather than exchanging personal expression. 

Here is the power of "I Messaging"

Sally

Standing here alone I have become cold and tired and afraid Tom. When you are late all the time and you don't call me or leave your phone on,  I feel forgotten. 

I have real work to do around feeling forgotten. It really triggers my self-worth. Where were you? 

Tom

Sally, I am so sorry you feel that way about my tardiness. My parents were killed in an airplane accident and I had to go to the airport right after we hung up. I was so caught up with the grief and the police that I forgot. I drove across town and came straight here. I apologize. I need you to stay with me tonight.  I do not want to be alone. Will you do that for me? 

Sally

Oh,... of course Tom. I of course, I will stay. Let me make us some tea when we get to your place. 

S.O.S.

Not every conversation is an emergency situation. Sometimes it is about being tired  to paying attention. The truth is, regardless of" if it is an emergency" or not; we have a great gift to be able to express ourselves if we only take the time. 

I told my therapist once that I believe our words are like pearls on a necklace. 

Each one is valuable and when they are collected they are even more precious. 

Taking the time to string your necklace with well-harvested pearls of wisdom is a gift from God/dess. 

Forgiveness is an act of Stopping, Pausing and Listening to the Stillness of Grace. It is experiencing the pure response from Spirit. You participate in Grace and share Grace in this stillness and in this you stand alone with God/dess. 

We can do this for ourselves too!

When you are running a movie about how life sucks and you just can't take it anymore, 

Stop, Pause and Listen.

 Can you rephrase that at all? 

Can you think of any goodness you create? If not. Find it. It is there. I promise !

Can you bless and say thank you for everyone who has ever helped you? 

It boils down to this.

It really is all about you.

It is about how you choose to communicate 

How you choose to think

What you choose to act upon 

How you choose to hear what is being shared with you. 

It is all really about you.

Take responsibility for the words you invoke.

If you make a mistake, love yourself for it's lesson and move on.

Life Stops For No One

Life has no prejudice. 

We all fall down 

We can all stand back up again.

Circling the opportunities to make ourselves better people

More compassionate people

We are born to be with others. 

This is part of our soul taking birth.

The experience of compassion

The experience of forgiveness

This is the experience we all are born from and I believe it is where we return to.

We are created to experience and cultivate 

Random Acts of Love that grow to be Constant Acts of Beauty.

When you define your feelings before you judge or assume the other person's thoughts and actions, you will cultivate empowerment, not disempowerment. You will feel yourself returning to your true identity as a soul born from Love. 

You get one shot here with this lifetime. 

You get to choose.

When everything feels like it is falling apart, you still get to choose. 

Remind yourself of this gift. Choice Viewpoint. 

No one can claim it or tame it or destroy your viewpoint and no one can ever remove you from your relationship with love.  Your soul's perfect presence with Love. It is yours and only yours. It is you.

Disclaimer reclaimed

We learn by our own experiences. Life is not about a constant Good Ride in the Daylight. We have nightmares, we make mistakes, we regroup and we stand up and we give it another shot. 

My insights are not Truth for anyone but myself. I share them with you in Love and Trust. 

If I have offended anyone, If I have hurt anyone or If I appear too Gun Ho! I will simply have to say, My life has been filled with darkness and light, tears and laughter. 

It has been the good nature and wisdom of my friends, 

my family, and Spirit, which have brought you and I here, 

right here, 

right now!  

I send you my deepest loving blessings. 

Yes, To you my reader. 

Whether I know you or not. We share the same stars, 

the same sun, 

the same life force,

and the Same Eternal Love.

Do You Feel it now? It is there. 

It is always there. 

Please, Choose Love

It is why were are here. 

Miss M